i wont say i'm in love, i wont say im in love with you.

So, my flight moved closer, i'm leaving on new years day. i had a long conversation with my dad today, mostly about how i should get on track before i leave. which i pretty much should get myself together before i do leave. i have to pack in the second week in december to send everything of mine out there. that means i have to start packing in about 21/2 weeks, and write down everything i need. it's getting pretty stressful, seeming that i have to leave everyone here for quite a while. 

Anyways, enough depressing-nesss that makes me upset! on another note, i had a girls night the other night, which was pretty much one of the funniest thing ever. we woke up just giggling, and the whole night consisted of that. other than that, i need to get my hair cut pretty soon. before i leave too. so hopefully right before the holidays.  its getting a little to long. My last day until summer at madden is on tuesday. And then ill be working at the boys and girls club before i leave, which will be so much fun. everyone there makes me laugh so much. i am pretty excited about that part. Other than that, i'm at my dad's house right now and have to head home, i'm going to make a list of what i need need to get, and bring with me. i can't believe i'm doing this all ready...

brett newman, i hate you.

show me how to feel.

so nothing has been new lately, i just have been getting back into the shape of sewing, and making my patterns. Halloween is coming up, and my best friend kristen and i are being wilma and betty from the flinstones. hahaha, should be interesting, and believe me there will be so many pictures! i am pretty excited about that one. I leave for California in 72 days, which is going to go by so fast with the holidays coming up and all i'm starting to have dreams every night of living on my own, some nights its good and others, bad. I guess I'm scaring myself already, but i know when i get out there it wont be that bad, but who knows right? I am going to visit Lauren out there on the 8th. Just staying a weekend, but it should be fun and interesting anyways! and i am excited to meet her finally! yayy i actually know someone, and will hopefully know more people there when i have dinner and hang out with them.

What you thought I needed.

So i guess you could say I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm set on California and I'm heading out there in 3 weeks to go to my apartment and meet lauren. I've been talking to lauren for quite a while now, (she's going to FIDM in the fall). we are going to catch some dinner and I'm going to meet some more people from FIDM. I'm pretty excited about that one. 

I've been stressed out lately, from my blood being oh so low, and from work & school all at the same time. I'm also exhausted all the time which is not good what so ever, but what can you do? Other than that I'm a crazy working girl who is in and out of manhattan like its the place to be. I haven't had much of the social life lately because of it, i pretty much just go home and sleep. It's  

sad, but what can you do... again? i guess you could say I've been on the run from many thing's lately. Not just from working, and everything else, but myself, and my feelings. Recently i had gotten my heart broken, once again, and I have been hiding from it, pretending everything is fine. And don't get me wrong, i still am pretending everything is fine, because i want to. I'm sick of the upsetting shit. I have not cried once, and it feels good. I had even tried to, and i just couldn't. So now, I'm listening to Mr. Jack Johnson who is making me calm and tired.

I had walked out of class today after writing a devious essay about The Scarlet Letter when i had found myself looking at this girl passed out in between a classroom doorway and the hallway. I had run over to her to see if she was okay, and she was foaming at the mouth and shaking. It looked to me as a seizure, and i thought well maybe she was an epileptic.. I had run over to my professor who was still in the class waiting for other students to finish their work, and had told him. That minute he ran over to her and I had called public safety telling them what I had seen, and what had happened. My teacher had to go back to the class, but i stayed with her the whole time. I had asked her if this has happened to her before, and giving her my new water i had just bought, and she replied no, to just call her mother, as i did. I explained what had happened, and told her that she will be going to the nearest hospital thats close to us. I was so scared for this girl i hardly knew, the way she shook and looked had gotten me so nervous. My 

Professor told me he would email me about her tonight, but he hadn't so far, I do hope she is okay, and well. I've had her in my thoughts all day.

Okay, on another note, I have work tomorrow, and I am still up. Bleh. I hate when i can never sleep on the days i work, but on the days i have school, i can fall asleep at 10 and wake up at around 12 in the afternoon. On work days i have to wake up at 7:30 to catch a train at 8:40. its almost 1:30am now and i am not to pleased.

I bought Sex In The City the movie today, that made me happy.. i have been waiting for this movie to come out for a while now. Anyways, I'm going to attempt to sleep...

So, i have been working like a little bitch lately which has not been that much fun. I have been in and out of the city, which i loveeee. I was at Maria's place, and we went to bed bath and beyond, where i found those lovely sunflowers on the street. and of course i had to buy them! I had given them to her roommates and her for a moving in present kinda spicing up the place for them... other than that, im just preparing myself for California. I have been organizing my money, and have been watching what i spend cause i use my money for everything and everyone... and other than that i have been keeping my mind on myself and not everyone else, which is probably the best for myself at this point. i'm just going to give a damn what i really want and what i care about, and whom i care about. i;m not focused in other peoples drama, high school was for that, and it was bullshittt. and if someone starts drama with me im just going to not talk about it and just not even care about that person anymoreee. anyways venting is funn.. moving onn

so im sitting in bed right now.. nothings really going on, im sad to say that classes start in exactly a week.. im taking night classes on monday and wed and sewing on saturday morning. so i dont have work on those lovely days... works good, i have my own desk now, and ill be decorating my bulletin board tomorrow.. fun time at work.  anyways, ill be in the city a lot this winter, i can already tell.. marias there haha so thats good... ill probably be shopping soon for my apartment in LA, idk i'm kinda nervous about that also.. a new city, a new home.. new people.. the cryps... its a scary thought. idk, im excited at the same time, its just going to be sad to leave everyone. blehh.. im going to have a big going away party though.. parties are always fun...

so france was gorgeous! i spent all my time sight seeing, and going to museums.  and the shopping was wonderful. but the one thing that i had loved the most was a 5 corse glass boat ride on the saine viewing all of paris on the water. im in montauk right now, so ill be posting everything i got rearly soon.. whenever i wear and take pictures of them..