so i made my list today. its of what to pack by the 13th, what to get and what i'll be taking with me on the plane. I'm fully nervous now. I found out when my flight is, its January 1st at 1:30pm. I guess once you realize that your flights booked and your step mother tells you that her and my father had to get separate tickets because they need round trip and i'm a one way trip. It shows you that your really going, and you'll be there for quite a while..

I despite not being able to sleep right now, its 4:40 and i have a full day tomorrow. First i have to head to the pharmacy, then i'm meeting up with my grandfather at 12 at the diner near me to see him for a bit. then of course, i have the long day of school which includes english, then math for 3 hours and then a math test. joy. Anyways, tomorrow should be busy and hopefully it will get me back in the shape of sleep, from waking up early and being busy. it is 1:40 in LA which is a normal time for me to head to bed, but honestly i'm not there yet, and i get really aggravated when i cant sleep and it's almost morning... i should just grab the whole bottle of nightquil and chug it and just pass out now.

Anyways, i was driving the other night getting moes, when i saw a shooting star. and then the next night, i saw another. of course i made a wish but not one of those shitty wishes that other girls make. like; 'aw i wish he loves me back' or 'i wish ill be with him forever' bull shit mann if it happens then it happens but good for you. my wish was just for me, and thats what shooting stars are supposed to be. just for you, thats why you see it at the certain time you do. maybe if your just looking up, or you turn a wrong way and you see it. whichever, whatever its meant to be yours.

So, the countdown is 39 days, scary right? as much as i'm nervous right now i need to get away from this winter. not only is everything in new york dead or dying, but everyone's soul is dying along with winter.. and thats every winter too. you could just see in peoples faces that there alone, tired, scared, bored and cold. and thats all i see every winter, so yes, as much as i'm nervous to live on my own on the other side of the country where i know no one, and... hardly know anything about the city.. it will be nice for a change. I cant wait until people come visit me.. haha im telling everyone that they should just get a plane ticket for the holidays and have a little vacation with me for a week or a weekend. it would be oh so nice.

i'll leave you with this lovely picture of my babies

Lady is giving the best look to pollock.

p.s. im starting to miss my long hair and what i could do with it...

p.s.s. i'm in ipod withdrawal, i need to get my ipod out of kristen's car immediately! 

epilogue

"we fell down so many times

i think i'm tired of thinking

that everything will work out-

well it finally all worked out-

but its still not the same,

everything is changed

though, it wont appear that way.

and the future cant be worked out-

though it never has been worked out..

i'm sorry that i don't have a way,

to make it easier each day.

with my name plastered on your lips

as you gazed into nothingness

how i pleaded barely audibly

oh i,

i can't let you down,

i won't let you down-

well we fell,

down,

so many times,

and i think i'm fine."

ill come back from the other side

fall on the inside.

So i have been listening to the new copeland album, which is pretty terrific i would say go check it out, the new album is called you are my sunshine. the countdown is now down to 42 days, its getting pretty frightening. Im actually going shopping with my mother to buy some things for my apartment. she actually gave me 3 little vases that will look nice in the kitchen on the counter top where there will be stools for people to eat... food. I started working at the north shore boys and girls club and i have been having a good time! played battle ship pretty much all day, but you know, its really great there. I was actually going through my pictures in california on my face book and i saw that i commented on how i missed the weather and how i am there some time, and hah who knew right? i'm actually thinking maybe its for the best i leave now then stay. i'll get to learn a lot on my own out there, and teach myself on how to live alone, cook my own food, etc. even though ill probably order in or just pick up food out there too, but i do love grocery shopping cause i'm pretty weird... as to what brett tells me at about 4 in the morning every night.. thanks brett.

LA=49 days

hair cut and islanders game tomorrow =]

the ink is running towards the page, its chasing off the days

so, i don't really know where to start, but it's been a long week. i have a lot to do, and so much to handle. i wish that some people would tell me what's going on, and if they are okay, cause i worry, and love them. But as to what to handle i need to start sewing my ass off, and i need to go to Math. I missed so many classes, i hope they don't kick me out because of it. i cant miss another one! i think i have 3 more classes left of it, and thats all.. i need to talk to the bunt and tell her what's been going on and why i didn't go this past week. 3 more times? thats not bad at all.. and for english i just have go to 7 more times, so i really don't mind at all. its not going to be any trouble. I love my english class, we all hang out right after and its my friend kristen ( who goes to post) and i surrounded by all guys so its all good.. we all went to hill wood which is the community center at post. it has the tiniest cafe' but whatever, you get curly fries and your good. 

i'm starting to see who i am going to really miss here, and it has basically come down to 4 people and my mother and grandmother. My mother will be coming to visit me and hopefully my grandmother also. but the friends.. two of them i don't want to leave at all, and the other two i'll just miss a lot. I think i'll be having a going away party on the 12th. it should be fun! but will be oh so saddd!!!! =[ 

run for cover.

i wont say i'm in love, i wont say im in love with you.

So, my flight moved closer, i'm leaving on new years day. i had a long conversation with my dad today, mostly about how i should get on track before i leave. which i pretty much should get myself together before i do leave. i have to pack in the second week in december to send everything of mine out there. that means i have to start packing in about 21/2 weeks, and write down everything i need. it's getting pretty stressful, seeming that i have to leave everyone here for quite a while. 

Anyways, enough depressing-nesss that makes me upset! on another note, i had a girls night the other night, which was pretty much one of the funniest thing ever. we woke up just giggling, and the whole night consisted of that. other than that, i need to get my hair cut pretty soon. before i leave too. so hopefully right before the holidays.  its getting a little to long. My last day until summer at madden is on tuesday. And then ill be working at the boys and girls club before i leave, which will be so much fun. everyone there makes me laugh so much. i am pretty excited about that part. Other than that, i'm at my dad's house right now and have to head home, i'm going to make a list of what i need need to get, and bring with me. i can't believe i'm doing this all ready...

brett newman, i hate you.