happy fucking new years.

so if you want to say that today is monday, then i have 2 full days until i leave. i leave thursday morning, which is getting me pretty upset. i don't think i want to go anymore, i mean i know that it will be a great experience and adventure, but not anymore it doesn't. so if today is monday, i have work today from 2 to 6. last tuesday was supposed to be my last day, but it didn't happen since i just got called into work yesterday. i don't mind at all. i love it there. and it will give me a chance to say goodbye to some of the people there which will be pretty sad =[ boo. anyways i pretty much packed everything today which is nice, so it gives me to two days to relax and be with my friends. i have a hair appointment on tuesday with kristen. i'm getting my hair highlighted blonder and i believe kristen is going back to being a red head or just getting highlights as well. should be fun. other than that new years eve should be fun, but yeeep still have no idea what's going on. anyways, i'm goign to go back to watching family guy.

So the holidays are coming up, the holiday season is always the best, but everyone wishes they have someone to spend it with. I'm going to do a bunch of things for people this year kinda as a thank you to my friends and such. O think it will be nice. and hopefully ill get money to buy myself an ipod touch so i have it on the plane rides.

Of course its 6 in the morning and i still have not slept and nothing is on TV besides paid programming, porn, and kiddy cartoons so i enjoy my time with watching fashion shows via podcast. i love Karl Lagerfeld and Zac Posen, they are so great. i love the elegance they create but its very different. My long say is tomorrow. 

we are watching macbeth in english and math god knows what we are going to be doing, im just going to go to bed when i get home, no TV night for me, i'm trying to stay up later today cause i have to wake up earlier today. and hopefully this time it will actually work that i fall asleep when i get home from Math. I started packing, all my summer stuff and my fabric are in box's already, my step mother wants them done by the 13th so i can ship them out to my uncle. I need to head out to TopShop in new york city right after christmas before i leave, maybe 2 days after? i need to get a couple of 

dresses for myself out in LA. I really want the spotted print dress which is $125. and the "prom dress" thats $80 which is no prom dress what so ever. so if anyone wants to come into the city with me after christmas and before new years eve, message me and tell me.

I curled my hair to see how it would come out last night when i couldn't sleep. Kemp was telling me i looked like 

Marilyn Monroe and james just kept laughing at me. Video chatting is one of my favorite things, and im glad they made it so when im out in LA i can see and talk to my friends instead of looking at words all day.

Both dresses (pictures) are Zac Posen, which they are both from his summer 2007 line and i absolutely adore these two dresses. I can't wait to start fashion school and create these beautiful outfits, but at the same time, i'm going to miss everyone, and ill stop saying i'm going to miss everyone until the day i actually leave.

P.S. how was everyone's thanksgiving? I made a cheese cake that was fucking amazing, and will make it again for the holidays. i was at my dad's house too with my two sisters and it was rather nice.

so i made my list today. its of what to pack by the 13th, what to get and what i'll be taking with me on the plane. I'm fully nervous now. I found out when my flight is, its January 1st at 1:30pm. I guess once you realize that your flights booked and your step mother tells you that her and my father had to get separate tickets because they need round trip and i'm a one way trip. It shows you that your really going, and you'll be there for quite a while..

I despite not being able to sleep right now, its 4:40 and i have a full day tomorrow. First i have to head to the pharmacy, then i'm meeting up with my grandfather at 12 at the diner near me to see him for a bit. then of course, i have the long day of school which includes english, then math for 3 hours and then a math test. joy. Anyways, tomorrow should be busy and hopefully it will get me back in the shape of sleep, from waking up early and being busy. it is 1:40 in LA which is a normal time for me to head to bed, but honestly i'm not there yet, and i get really aggravated when i cant sleep and it's almost morning... i should just grab the whole bottle of nightquil and chug it and just pass out now.

Anyways, i was driving the other night getting moes, when i saw a shooting star. and then the next night, i saw another. of course i made a wish but not one of those shitty wishes that other girls make. like; 'aw i wish he loves me back' or 'i wish ill be with him forever' bull shit mann if it happens then it happens but good for you. my wish was just for me, and thats what shooting stars are supposed to be. just for you, thats why you see it at the certain time you do. maybe if your just looking up, or you turn a wrong way and you see it. whichever, whatever its meant to be yours.

So, the countdown is 39 days, scary right? as much as i'm nervous right now i need to get away from this winter. not only is everything in new york dead or dying, but everyone's soul is dying along with winter.. and thats every winter too. you could just see in peoples faces that there alone, tired, scared, bored and cold. and thats all i see every winter, so yes, as much as i'm nervous to live on my own on the other side of the country where i know no one, and... hardly know anything about the city.. it will be nice for a change. I cant wait until people come visit me.. haha im telling everyone that they should just get a plane ticket for the holidays and have a little vacation with me for a week or a weekend. it would be oh so nice.

i'll leave you with this lovely picture of my babies

Lady is giving the best look to pollock.

p.s. im starting to miss my long hair and what i could do with it...

p.s.s. i'm in ipod withdrawal, i need to get my ipod out of kristen's car immediately! 

epilogue

"we fell down so many times

i think i'm tired of thinking

that everything will work out-

well it finally all worked out-

but its still not the same,

everything is changed

though, it wont appear that way.

and the future cant be worked out-

though it never has been worked out..

i'm sorry that i don't have a way,

to make it easier each day.

with my name plastered on your lips

as you gazed into nothingness

how i pleaded barely audibly

oh i,

i can't let you down,

i won't let you down-

well we fell,

down,

so many times,

and i think i'm fine."

ill come back from the other side

fall on the inside.

So i have been listening to the new copeland album, which is pretty terrific i would say go check it out, the new album is called you are my sunshine. the countdown is now down to 42 days, its getting pretty frightening. Im actually going shopping with my mother to buy some things for my apartment. she actually gave me 3 little vases that will look nice in the kitchen on the counter top where there will be stools for people to eat... food. I started working at the north shore boys and girls club and i have been having a good time! played battle ship pretty much all day, but you know, its really great there. I was actually going through my pictures in california on my face book and i saw that i commented on how i missed the weather and how i am there some time, and hah who knew right? i'm actually thinking maybe its for the best i leave now then stay. i'll get to learn a lot on my own out there, and teach myself on how to live alone, cook my own food, etc. even though ill probably order in or just pick up food out there too, but i do love grocery shopping cause i'm pretty weird... as to what brett tells me at about 4 in the morning every night.. thanks brett.

LA=49 days

hair cut and islanders game tomorrow =]

the ink is running towards the page, its chasing off the days

so, i don't really know where to start, but it's been a long week. i have a lot to do, and so much to handle. i wish that some people would tell me what's going on, and if they are okay, cause i worry, and love them. But as to what to handle i need to start sewing my ass off, and i need to go to Math. I missed so many classes, i hope they don't kick me out because of it. i cant miss another one! i think i have 3 more classes left of it, and thats all.. i need to talk to the bunt and tell her what's been going on and why i didn't go this past week. 3 more times? thats not bad at all.. and for english i just have go to 7 more times, so i really don't mind at all. its not going to be any trouble. I love my english class, we all hang out right after and its my friend kristen ( who goes to post) and i surrounded by all guys so its all good.. we all went to hill wood which is the community center at post. it has the tiniest cafe' but whatever, you get curly fries and your good. 

i'm starting to see who i am going to really miss here, and it has basically come down to 4 people and my mother and grandmother. My mother will be coming to visit me and hopefully my grandmother also. but the friends.. two of them i don't want to leave at all, and the other two i'll just miss a lot. I think i'll be having a going away party on the 12th. it should be fun! but will be oh so saddd!!!! =[ 

run for cover.

i wont say i'm in love, i wont say im in love with you.

So, my flight moved closer, i'm leaving on new years day. i had a long conversation with my dad today, mostly about how i should get on track before i leave. which i pretty much should get myself together before i do leave. i have to pack in the second week in december to send everything of mine out there. that means i have to start packing in about 21/2 weeks, and write down everything i need. it's getting pretty stressful, seeming that i have to leave everyone here for quite a while. 

Anyways, enough depressing-nesss that makes me upset! on another note, i had a girls night the other night, which was pretty much one of the funniest thing ever. we woke up just giggling, and the whole night consisted of that. other than that, i need to get my hair cut pretty soon. before i leave too. so hopefully right before the holidays.  its getting a little to long. My last day until summer at madden is on tuesday. And then ill be working at the boys and girls club before i leave, which will be so much fun. everyone there makes me laugh so much. i am pretty excited about that part. Other than that, i'm at my dad's house right now and have to head home, i'm going to make a list of what i need need to get, and bring with me. i can't believe i'm doing this all ready...

brett newman, i hate you.

show me how to feel.

so nothing has been new lately, i just have been getting back into the shape of sewing, and making my patterns. Halloween is coming up, and my best friend kristen and i are being wilma and betty from the flinstones. hahaha, should be interesting, and believe me there will be so many pictures! i am pretty excited about that one. I leave for California in 72 days, which is going to go by so fast with the holidays coming up and all i'm starting to have dreams every night of living on my own, some nights its good and others, bad. I guess I'm scaring myself already, but i know when i get out there it wont be that bad, but who knows right? I am going to visit Lauren out there on the 8th. Just staying a weekend, but it should be fun and interesting anyways! and i am excited to meet her finally! yayy i actually know someone, and will hopefully know more people there when i have dinner and hang out with them.

What you thought I needed.

So i guess you could say I'm ready to move on with my life. I'm set on California and I'm heading out there in 3 weeks to go to my apartment and meet lauren. I've been talking to lauren for quite a while now, (she's going to FIDM in the fall). we are going to catch some dinner and I'm going to meet some more people from FIDM. I'm pretty excited about that one. 

I've been stressed out lately, from my blood being oh so low, and from work & school all at the same time. I'm also exhausted all the time which is not good what so ever, but what can you do? Other than that I'm a crazy working girl who is in and out of manhattan like its the place to be. I haven't had much of the social life lately because of it, i pretty much just go home and sleep. It's  

sad, but what can you do... again? i guess you could say I've been on the run from many thing's lately. Not just from working, and everything else, but myself, and my feelings. Recently i had gotten my heart broken, once again, and I have been hiding from it, pretending everything is fine. And don't get me wrong, i still am pretending everything is fine, because i want to. I'm sick of the upsetting shit. I have not cried once, and it feels good. I had even tried to, and i just couldn't. So now, I'm listening to Mr. Jack Johnson who is making me calm and tired.

I had walked out of class today after writing a devious essay about The Scarlet Letter when i had found myself looking at this girl passed out in between a classroom doorway and the hallway. I had run over to her to see if she was okay, and she was foaming at the mouth and shaking. It looked to me as a seizure, and i thought well maybe she was an epileptic.. I had run over to my professor who was still in the class waiting for other students to finish their work, and had told him. That minute he ran over to her and I had called public safety telling them what I had seen, and what had happened. My teacher had to go back to the class, but i stayed with her the whole time. I had asked her if this has happened to her before, and giving her my new water i had just bought, and she replied no, to just call her mother, as i did. I explained what had happened, and told her that she will be going to the nearest hospital thats close to us. I was so scared for this girl i hardly knew, the way she shook and looked had gotten me so nervous. My 

Professor told me he would email me about her tonight, but he hadn't so far, I do hope she is okay, and well. I've had her in my thoughts all day.

Okay, on another note, I have work tomorrow, and I am still up. Bleh. I hate when i can never sleep on the days i work, but on the days i have school, i can fall asleep at 10 and wake up at around 12 in the afternoon. On work days i have to wake up at 7:30 to catch a train at 8:40. its almost 1:30am now and i am not to pleased.

I bought Sex In The City the movie today, that made me happy.. i have been waiting for this movie to come out for a while now. Anyways, I'm going to attempt to sleep...

So, i have been working like a little bitch lately which has not been that much fun. I have been in and out of the city, which i loveeee. I was at Maria's place, and we went to bed bath and beyond, where i found those lovely sunflowers on the street. and of course i had to buy them! I had given them to her roommates and her for a moving in present kinda spicing up the place for them... other than that, im just preparing myself for California. I have been organizing my money, and have been watching what i spend cause i use my money for everything and everyone... and other than that i have been keeping my mind on myself and not everyone else, which is probably the best for myself at this point. i'm just going to give a damn what i really want and what i care about, and whom i care about. i;m not focused in other peoples drama, high school was for that, and it was bullshittt. and if someone starts drama with me im just going to not talk about it and just not even care about that person anymoreee. anyways venting is funn.. moving onn

so im sitting in bed right now.. nothings really going on, im sad to say that classes start in exactly a week.. im taking night classes on monday and wed and sewing on saturday morning. so i dont have work on those lovely days... works good, i have my own desk now, and ill be decorating my bulletin board tomorrow.. fun time at work.  anyways, ill be in the city a lot this winter, i can already tell.. marias there haha so thats good... ill probably be shopping soon for my apartment in LA, idk i'm kinda nervous about that also.. a new city, a new home.. new people.. the cryps... its a scary thought. idk, im excited at the same time, its just going to be sad to leave everyone. blehh.. im going to have a big going away party though.. parties are always fun...

so france was gorgeous! i spent all my time sight seeing, and going to museums.  and the shopping was wonderful. but the one thing that i had loved the most was a 5 corse glass boat ride on the saine viewing all of paris on the water. im in montauk right now, so ill be posting everything i got rearly soon.. whenever i wear and take pictures of them..

i got a hair cut. 5 inches off.. its pretty intense.. i think i would like to angle it a bit more though..  haah yeahh i guess im just being silly, but whatevz.. its a big deal for me cause i havnt had my hair this short since the 8th grade.. i guess im pretty happy with it. but other than that im leaving for paris on saturday afternoon, and today im just putting outfits and of course shoes together..

                         
 
 

okay so high wasted pants are totally in, i don't care what you all say about them! anyways, i have been designing like a psycho lately. everyones off working or studying for finals, and ive just been enjoying being by myself. i'm having fun, and i'm learning things on my own. so while everyones off, i've been drawing, and sewing for my fashion show coming up on june 4th at 5:00. it should be interesting, im having it outdoors, and hopefully it will be nice out, if not it will be inside. bleh. but its good that i have this time. im completing everything, and things will be done on time.

hello hello! so this is new? i'm really basically using this on fashion, and things that inspire me.

i will also be showing what i wear, what im designing an so on and so forth.

i work at steve madden makin' shoe's and in my spare time, i'm mostly just making dresses.